Recognizing and acknowledging the ever-increasing hold that pornography has over us is the starting point of the process to breaking free from it.

Viewing, reading or creating pornography establishes our dependency on it over time. We slowly begin to feel that we are unable to control the progressive nature of our pornographic use despite our desire and efforts to do so. So, we constantly crave greater intensity and variety of pornography to satisfy us.

To hide the extent of our pornographic use and the shame associated with it from our family and friends, we start living a double life. We wear the façade of diligent student, committed employee, faithful spouse, Christian leader, etc., while in our private moments, we despair over ourselves and give in to the habit that we can always count on to make us feel good even if for a few minutes.

Our double lives start taking a destructive toll on us. The growing preoccupation with preparing for, engaging in and recovering from pornography leads us to ignore moral, legal, physical and emotional consequences and become willing to risk seeking sexual stimulation at the cost of our reputation, health, job, finances, relationships or ending up in prison.

In spite of the negative impact we experience to all that we value and hold dear, we live in denial, refusing to admit to ourselves or others that we have a problem with pornography and persisting in lies and deception. This is because we hold distorted beliefs that we are unworthy and unlovable. We think that no one would care for us once they get to know the real us, including God. But pornography makes us feel desirable, loved and lets us forget our inner misery even if only for the moment, and we feel emotionally crippled without it.

Surrendering our will to God, who alone has the power to free us from the grip of lust, marks the crucial turning point to our freedom from pornography.

Worldwide recovery programs for addicts recognize that our spiritual emptiness is at the root of our addictions. When we are alienated from God, others and ourselves, we seek out addictive substances like alcohol and drugs or habits like pornography and gambling as a substitute to soothe the hungry and deprived places in our spirits and souls. According to the Bible, numbing the pain of this spiritual vacuum with anything or anyone apart from God is sin.

To overcome this pain, we have to make a clear decision to shift our dependency from pornography to God and give up our double life, restoring authenticity and integrity in our life. In order to achieve this, 12-step programs recommend that we admit to God, ourselves and another person the exact nature of our wrongs, which echoes the biblical principle of confession and accountability to receive healing and forgiveness for our sins. They also emphasise on making amends to those we have harmed indicating the need to follow up our confession with outward repentant actions as an expression of our inner change. Hence, we take a stand to no longer live in denial of the destructive impact of our sexual addiction on our lives and others.

The Bible clearly tells us that those who rely on Christ no longer have to be victims to sin and condemnation. This means that the decision to turn over the reigns of our lives to God empowers us to let go the distorted beliefs, the shame and guilt that kept us in bondage to our lustful habits including pornography. In its place, God covers us with His honour and His unconditional love, so we no longer have to seek worth and value in those substances and habits that enslave us and leave us wasted.

The moment of our decision to give up pornography and let God become our life’s focal point can lift a huge deadening weight off our spirits and we can feel alive again, but as with our salvation, we need to "work out" our freedom "with fear and trembling" one day at a time, ensuring that we do not get entangled again in the seductive clutches of lust.

Consciously altering our values, attitudes and behaviours is the daily agenda of our transformation journey from victims to victors over pornography.

The only way to overcome our lustful temptations is to stop entertaining these evil desires in our lives and most importantly, replace them with God-honouring ones. As the Bible admonishes us, we have to "overcome evil with good". To accomplish this practically, we have to identify our specific triggers to pornography and learn healthy coping strategies.

(2) Personal transformation comes through the "renewing of our mind", according to the Bible. So we need to shift our mental focus from dwelling on our lustful thoughts to those things that are "true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper". Listening to and reciting scripture and bible teaching, singing hymns and spiritual songs as well as discussions of faith, sharing of personal testimonies, etc., can transfer our affections from selfish desires to those things that inspire and challenge us to live according to God’s purpose for us – loving Him and our fellow human beings - rather than living to gratify ourselves.

(3) In pornography addiction, the chase leading up to the object of our desire can be just as addictive and stimulating. So it is vital to change the routines and environments that lead us to finally engage in viewing pornography. For instance, if right after dinner, we have the habit of shutting ourselves off in our room and reading graphic material or turning on the computer/TV that eventually leads to viewing pornography and subsequent sexual acting out, it would help to alter this pattern, say, by going for a walk or playing a board game with loved ones after dinner.

(4) Pornography may have helped soothe us earlier when we experienced strong, painful emotions. Recovery programs use the acronym H.A.L.T to remind us that whenever we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired, we are more prone to turn to lust to comfort us. Practising the spiritual disciplines like prayer, scripture meditation, serving others in need, etc., or sharing our feelings with a friend can help us receive strength, wisdom and comfort to manage these difficult emotions effectively.

(5) Lack of meaningful, satisfying personal relationships also drive us to pornography. Strengthening our friendships, bonds with family and deepening our relationship with God can quench our craving for love, acceptance and intimacy. Prayer partners and cell groups can be great sources of support. Connecting with a spiritually and emotionally mature mentor whom we can confide in, and rely on to challenge and guide us is absolutely valuable in our journey to freedom from pornography. As we learn to trust our mentor with our secrets and receive from their wisdom, we become more open to sharing and helping others who are struggling, thus breaking the isolation and secrecy that kept us hooked to pornography.

(6) Seeking professional help in overcoming pornography through sexual addiction treatment centers, twelve-step programs/groups and counselling are valuable resources in understanding how such addictions impact mind and body, receiving support from others who are also on the journey to freedom and learning effective strategies to change our thinking/behavioural patterns that keep us stuck in our addictive habits despite our desire to quit them.

(7) High levels of stress in our lives also push us towards seeking relief from pornography. We need to make it a priority in our schedules to set aside adequate time for rest and relaxation. Doing activities that refresh us such as a personal hobby and release physical/emotional tension such as exercise, sports etc can go a long way in reducing stress. An essential principle to overcoming our worries in life is to practise letting go what is beyond our control and relying on God’s grace in our weaknesses. This is echoed in the Serenity prayer adopted by many Twelve-Step programs:

May this be our prayer as we strive daily to bring our imaginations "captive in obedience to Christ", maintain "a covenant with our eyes" not to lust and keep the "meditation of our hearts" acceptable to God.